Friday, January 20, 2012
I absorb pain
I absorb pain.
My husband asked me the other day what I was thinking about while we were out to dinner. I told him I couldn’t stop thinking about the young mother who was so frustrated with her small daughter while she was texting that she slapped her daughter in the face. I guess the text message was more important than listening to her daughter’s plea for help with her zipper. I absorbed the pain of the blow. It still felt fresh on my face hours later and I felt the little girl’s pain and anguish. Nobody at the store around her seemed to notice including my husband. In fact, he told me “when did that happen? I didn’t notice that.”
I somehow absorb pain. I wish I didn’t. When others don’t hear a child’s cry, I do. When other’s don’t see abuse, I see it. When others don’t hear someone calling for help, I do. I hate it. I wish I could go numb. I used to numb out this pain with pain itself. But I can’t anymore. Maybe God wants me to see others pain so I can help them. Maybe he wants me to feel it, so I can reach out to them. I don’t know why. I don’t like absorbing other’s pain. It hurts.
When pain hurts so much you do stupid things or say stupid things.
Abuse drives you down a road you never thought you would go.
I want to take my pain and change things for the better, like laws and stuff. But who really knows how to do that.
I guess ordinary people don’t, but then again maybe an ordinary person can make a difference.
On a good day, I want to change the world.
On a bad day, I am a broken girl with a bunch of pain.
But I care about people and I want to help somebody……I don’t want to see pain anymore….feel pain anymore…..
Posted by Guadalupe Maria at 9:51 PM